Review: The Witch

There is a lot to admire about The Witch. It's has a meticulously crafted atmosphere. It's beautifully shot, well acted. It's obviously handled with care. What isn't handled with care is the story. It's old and hollow like the tree line it spends so much time showcasing. The characters lack flare and originality and while their supernatural paranoia seems ripe for dramatic picking, Director Robert Eggers doesn't capitalize on it until the last twenty minutes and by then you can't help but laugh because of how quickly things escalate, which isn't good for a horror film that heavily relies on a tense slow-burn.

Is The Witch worth your time? No.

Review: Deadpool

Deadpool is back on the silver screen and better than ever. Though that's not saying much after what FOX did to the Merc with a Mouth in 2011's X-Men Origins: Wolverine (don't worry, Deadpool didn't like it either). Honestly, anything would have been an improvement. I don't mean to sell this latest depiction short because it's, quite simply, a marvel. Deadpool is the best translation of any superhero from comic to movie so far, which will please long-time fans of the character and it's funnier than the idea of Aquaman getting his own movie, which will please everybody else. What's more astonishing is just how sympathetic Ryan Reynolds and company have made the anti-hero (as he so proudly labels himself). Not only does the film dish on its promised R-rated action and iconic self-referential humor, but you learn to kind of-- definitely-- love Wade Wilson despite his obvious... Uh, personality flaws. It's the perfect Deadpool movie.

Is Deadpool worth your time? Yes. Definitely. Why are you still reading this? Go see it. Now.

Review: Kung Fu Panda 3

Extreme close-up. Pupils narrowed. Po is focused and ready for action. Cut to panda and company placing their orders for steaming hot dumplings. How many times is Dreamworks going to bang the beaten gong on this same joke and versions of it? In some ways the Kung Fu Panda series is held back by its formula. Not only do many jokes get recycled but each time we are lead to believe this Chinese bear is a foretold prophet who's meant to save the land from evil, but he begins each film as a bumbling novice and finishes each film with master-level skills. However, for as jarring as the overall progression of the franchise is, the latest entry is just as endearing and action-packed as the first two. Jack Black is so good as Po and the rest of the cast is on par. It's also full of belly laughs that adults too can appreciate. The addition of Bryan Cranston as Po's father is perfect. He is a revelation.

Is Kung Fu Panda 3 worth your time? Despite the familiarity and the suffering character development, yes. Yes it is.

Review: Jane Got A Gun

Jane Got A Gun is already one of 2016's biggest let downs. Such a talent and yet, somehow, nothing to show for it. Natalie Portman is an Oscar winner but you couldn't tell from this film. She is disinterested. Worse yet, she is not even the main character in her own story. In fact, she is hardly a character at all. She is a plot device allowing the male characters around her to engage in uninspired shootouts. One of those men is the great Ewan McGregor, who unfortunately drums up about a drab total of 10 minutes of screen time. He is mostly confined to the same room at the same table for most of his appearance. It's a lazy, sexist misfire that still manages to hit every movie cliche dead center.

Not worth your time. I can't even find an interesting photo for this movie. 

Review: The Danish Girl

I cried four times during The Danish Girl. It's that moving. Eddie Redmayne gives a stirring
performance as Lili Elbe, one of the very first recipients of sex reassignment surgery while Alicia Vikander is captivating as Gerda, Lili's wife (give her the Oscar already!). As wonderful as these two are on their own terms, it's their undeniable chemistry together that will warm your heart and jerk your tears. These two love one another immensely and seeing them fight to keep their love alive while struggling to support each other both emotionally and physically will set you on a roller coaster of feels. This is one of the best films of 2015.

The Danish Girl is definitely worth your time. Bring tissues.

Casting the Batman Universe (& Other DC Characters)

If given the opportunity right now to make a Batman movie, this would be my ideal cast:

Jon Hamm as Bruce Wayne aka: Batman

 There's already an aura of success surrounding Hamm as a shrewd businessman harboring a dark secret. Sure, he'd be more of a Dark Knight Returns Batman at his age, but what's wrong with that? Besides, he's got a more gnarled, Frank Miller-esque look to him than Batfleck.

 Miles Teller as Dick Grayson aka: Nightwing

 Teller has proven he's got some edge and that's exactly what it takes to put up with Batman.

Ansel Elgort as Jason Todd aka: Red Hood

Somebody a little younger than Nightwing but more radical who's willing to take lives and cry. Ansel is talented enough to play such a traumatized young psycho.

Levi Miller as Damien Wayne aka: Robin

The son of Bruce Wayne and the youngest of the Robins. Miller can pull off the disobedient but loving spawn of Batman.

Christopher Plummer as Alfred Pennyworth

Plummer is a vet. He can be funny and serious and you'd believe him if Alfred had to bust out those old British Intelligence combat moves to protect his family.

Bryan Cranston as Commissioner James Gordon

Yeah, yeah, Cranston's been there and done that, but that's what makes him perfect for the role. He's experienced and would adapt effortlessly to live-action with his world-weary face.

Val Kilmer as Harvey Bullock

Just put a fedora on his head and a cigar in his mouth.

Emma Stone as Barbara Gordon aka: Batgirl/ Oracle

In a suit or behind a computer screen, Stone has the chops to pull off badass crime-fighter and tragic genius, the voice inside Batman's head.

Jake Gyllenhaal as The Joker

How many lunatics must Jake play before the world's convinced he's ready for this role?

Anne Hathaway as Harley Quinn

The ditzyness of 13 Going on 30 meets the edginess of Catwoman combined with the heartbreak of Les Miserables. Plus she's only two years younger than Jake.

Daniel Day Lewis as Ra's al Ghul

A theatrical actor for a theatrical villain. I know Lewis has his multiple Oscars, but this was the role he was born to play.

Penelope Cruz as Talia al Ghul

Seductive, deadly, and the ultimate daddy's girl. Penelope has proven that she's got what it takes to portray Batman's baby momma, both physically and emotionally.

Tom Hardy as Harvey Dent aka: Two-Face

It's easy trusting one of the most talented actors around with any role, but Tom Hardy has a resume of characters with split personalities ((see Legend (sort of) and The Drop)).

Eddie Redmayne as Edward Nygma aka: The Riddler

It isn't just the glasses, I swear. Already in his young career, Eddie has won an Oscar, which has to stand for something, right? Besides, he seems interested in pushing the limits of his talent and the methodical maniac in green would be a tremendous opportunity to do just that!

Vin Diesel as Victor Fries aka: Mr. Freeze

Beneath that macho exterior lies some real talent. If his time as Riddick has shown us anything, it's that Vin Diesel can be a true brute with a tender heart and underneath all that cold machinery lies a man who simply longs to be with his wife once more. Pure poetry.

Nick Frost as Oswald Cobblepot aka: Penguin

If this picture doesn't sell you, I don't know what will.

Michael Fassbender as Dr. Jonathan Crane aka: Scarecrow

We know Michael cleans up nice and he'll need to in order to portray the more sane, professor in Dr. Crane; however, Fassbender is a born villain. Just look at that smile! Oh, and by the way, he's one of the most talented actors out there. 

Javier Bardem as Bane

Okay, so Bane doesn't have a heritage traceable in the real world; however, going by his accent in Batman: The Animated Series, I'd feel safe casting a Spanish actor in his role; especially a Spanish actor who has had a successful run of movie villains and is of intimidating physical stature such as Javier. 

Gugu Mbatha-Raw as Selina Kyle aka: Catwoman

I'm going to be honest, I gave myself a pat on the back for this one. Gugu has proved to be a fine actress and in Beyond the Lights, she slayed the role of a sexy, confident (if not till later) woman whose world was her oyster. After all is said and done, isn't that really what Selina Kyle embodies? 

Emma Watson as Poison Ivy

Face it, you can't argue with this pick. Watson would absolutely nail it. 

Jude Law as Lex Luthor

Suave, sophisticated, intelligent, balding, and completely full of himself. Wonder where we've seen that before?

Benicio del Toro as Slade Wilson aka: Deathstroke

Del Toro is a proven badass. Just give him an eye patch and a katana and he's ready to roll.

Simon Pegg as Jarvis Tetch aka: The Mad Hatter

British, wears glasses, and has a face you just want to punch! It also helps that Star Trek has already convinced us that he's a tech wizard. It's a perfect fit.

James Franco as Zsaz

Bald, has tattoos, and just as insane as anyone in the industry.

Tilda Swinton as Dr. Hugo Strange

Forgive the pun, but this might be my strangest pick. I know what you're thinking: "But Hugo Strange is a guy!" True, but Tilda has been one before too (on screen). Besides, there isn't any reason Strange couldn't be a woman, is there? Either way, Tilda is so talented, she's got it covered. 

Danny Devito as Arnold Wesker aka: The Ventriloquist/ Scarface

Short? Check. Bald? Check. Wears glasses? Check. Is believable as a coward on screen? Check. Is believable as an intimidating authority figure on screen? Check. Besides, Danny's ventured into the world of Batman before. Give him a dummy already! 

Casting Other DC characters:

Idris Elba as John Stewart aka: Green Lantern

Michael B. Jordan as Sinestro

Brad Pitt as Oliver Queen aka: Green Arrow

Chiwetel Ejiofor as Martian Manhunter

Anna Kendrick as Zatanna

Just thinking about these picks gives me shivers! Let me know your thoughts on this potential roster and let me know who you'd pick for your own Batman movie!

Review: The Boy

I am happy to report that the latest January horror flick, staring The Walking Dead's Lauren Cohen, is not complete garbage. That being said, it's not that impressive either. Cohan plays a nanny (if you can believe it) hired to look after a prized doll belonging to an elderly couple who seem a bit off their rocker. As the story unfolds, The Boy shows brief flashes of inspired creepiness, but mostly relies on genre convention on its way to hitting on every cliché in the book. Big empty house? Check. Strange noises upstairs? Check. Stuffed animal heads on the walls? Check. The list goes on and on, right up to the twist reveal, which unfortunately has been done better in previous films.

Is it worth your time? No. Though this film is not terrible, there isn't anything here we haven't seen done before or even better in other flicks.